is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
