the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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