I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
