I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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