Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
