You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
