dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
