Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
