she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
