How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
be right there i have to get my cape
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
