My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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