My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
