i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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