I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
