They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
