we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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