I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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