I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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