Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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