I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
