dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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