i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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