dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
