in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
