i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This house was built for laser tag.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
