There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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