First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
