I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just tell him i said nine months
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
