Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
