Who wears a wallet chain?!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
