Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
