Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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