I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
