K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to walk on stilts...naked
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
