i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
