my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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