Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
