One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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