The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
