you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
