apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
