I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
