Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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