I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
