so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I deserve this hangover.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
