Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
