i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
