is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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