Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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