dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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