I wish I could teleport
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
