Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
