She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What a dumb baby whore.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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